Saturday, October 16, 2010
was amazed that i still remember the password to Here;
after being gone for so long..
Back from HK..
with not much of a change.
tried not to be bothered, kept a distance did i?
was hit with the truth..
all that we guessed and predicted;
but tried to keep a neutral mind, to give The One the benefit of doubt.
to choose to trust The One you know.
It was all but a Lie.
Supposed to be SO mad. SO disappointed.
Supposed to be ignore and not forgive.
Sad. Extremely sad. Of course I am.
The period after the showdown..
thought One would be ashamed to face Thou again.
But hey! how does one earn his forgiveness by being absent?
everyone deserves a second chance, right?
I sincerely thought.
Everything was back to the norm,
Very Quickly.
People around were amazed.
How do you manage to face Him like such..
I wondered alot about it.
So curious;
if he felt the weird-ness of the so-normal situation too.
All were Hands-up and still are;
that it is all a Mistake.
Eating here. Wandering around there.
The good times after the showdown..
it was as if all were resolved.
Gestures deemed special.
A smirk or smile deemed exclusively mine.
seen given out to another.
A cruel slap in the face.
To hell for being nice to a newcomer.
dished it out. appeased.
but not for long..
Waiting around for the other;
when it is clear that i Detest it.
Refusal to talk it out.
Playing the fool as if nothing happened.
believed *secretly* of self-relisation.
so be it so be it..
alas! nothing's changed.
the two yet the same..
To look at such,
To hear such; disgusts me..
and worst of all: the heart hurts.
Displeasure voiced.
but was ignored by the other..
what to do next?
i really cannot afford to see.
I really Cannot.
turned another way, when i see.
walked another way, i did.
be away, to not witness. i did!
the after hours are still as if normal..
But the heart is still heavy..
As if a knot, still there.
it doesnt feel nice to have a constant worry.
To voice it out again?
To keep quiet and continue...?
i really dunno.
Many ugily said:
He's buying time yet again;
to see if the next fish (newcomer) got hooked?
before confirming anything with Thou.
WHAT!?
Deep inside, i know i got to say it out loud to The One.
But many deemed this situation has no case;
and it may even deduct my 'marks'...
The cost of keeping silence is slowly taking effect.
how to how to?
Maybe the end is near..
the two months to next year;
seems a day too long.
i'm afraid i may not have the strength to last till then..
So afraid all the was built, all the hardwork,
all the moments made to go to waste..
I will need a place to hide,
when it all falls apart.
A place to hide;
for a very long time..
after being gone for so long..
Back from HK..
with not much of a change.
tried not to be bothered, kept a distance did i?
was hit with the truth..
all that we guessed and predicted;
but tried to keep a neutral mind, to give The One the benefit of doubt.
to choose to trust The One you know.
It was all but a Lie.
Supposed to be SO mad. SO disappointed.
Supposed to be ignore and not forgive.
Sad. Extremely sad. Of course I am.
The period after the showdown..
thought One would be ashamed to face Thou again.
But hey! how does one earn his forgiveness by being absent?
everyone deserves a second chance, right?
I sincerely thought.
Everything was back to the norm,
Very Quickly.
People around were amazed.
How do you manage to face Him like such..
I wondered alot about it.
So curious;
if he felt the weird-ness of the so-normal situation too.
All were Hands-up and still are;
that it is all a Mistake.
Eating here. Wandering around there.
The good times after the showdown..
it was as if all were resolved.
Gestures deemed special.
A smirk or smile deemed exclusively mine.
seen given out to another.
A cruel slap in the face.
To hell for being nice to a newcomer.
dished it out. appeased.
but not for long..
Waiting around for the other;
when it is clear that i Detest it.
Refusal to talk it out.
Playing the fool as if nothing happened.
believed *secretly* of self-relisation.
so be it so be it..
alas! nothing's changed.
the two yet the same..
To look at such,
To hear such; disgusts me..
and worst of all: the heart hurts.
Displeasure voiced.
but was ignored by the other..
what to do next?
i really cannot afford to see.
I really Cannot.
turned another way, when i see.
walked another way, i did.
be away, to not witness. i did!
the after hours are still as if normal..
But the heart is still heavy..
As if a knot, still there.
it doesnt feel nice to have a constant worry.
To voice it out again?
To keep quiet and continue...?
i really dunno.
Many ugily said:
He's buying time yet again;
to see if the next fish (newcomer) got hooked?
before confirming anything with Thou.
WHAT!?
Deep inside, i know i got to say it out loud to The One.
But many deemed this situation has no case;
and it may even deduct my 'marks'...
The cost of keeping silence is slowly taking effect.
how to how to?
Maybe the end is near..
the two months to next year;
seems a day too long.
i'm afraid i may not have the strength to last till then..
So afraid all the was built, all the hardwork,
all the moments made to go to waste..
I will need a place to hide,
when it all falls apart.
A place to hide;
for a very long time..
10/16/2010 03:41:00 AM